When I used to think about ego, I thought it was expressed with bragging and a need to have everyone know my accomplishments. Under that definition, I didn’t consider myself to be someone with an ego problem, and I think most people agreed with me.
Recently, through some unfortunately dramatic circumstances, I realized ego is expressed in other ways too. For example, in my life, ego is expressed with an overpowering need to be right, be heard, and be accepted. I get loud, I get defensive when questioned and any number of other unhealthy reactions. Unbeknownst to me, these behaviors were putting my relationship in jeopardy.
Once I realized the problem and that the root of all my unhealthy expressions were due to my ego, I set out to yank it out by the roots. I began by reaching out for help. I talked with my shaman mentor and upon her suggestion journeyed to meet with my teachers.
What an amazing awakening!
This is one of the things I love about shamanic practices – the insights. I could have gone my whole life without understanding what was revealed to me during my journey. I was given the gift of knowing that although I’m here to help heal people and the connection to earth, I’m not here to help EVERYONE.
The weight of responsibility I’ve been carrying my whole life is not mine to bear alone. If I’m feeling not heard or have the inner tension of feeling questioned or like someone thinks I’m “wrong,” it’s not a reflection of me. Instead, it’s a statement that they’re not part of my mission. Someone else will help them. They have their own guides, teachers and mentors.
I was encouraged to leave as much of that weight as I could behind and when I felt it happening again in ordinary reality to once again put it down and trust that someone else would pick it up. What a relief to know I’m not responsible for fixing EVERYTHING!
I was also given the gift of a visual reminder. I’d saved a plastic charm that was given to me with such a joyous and generous spirit back in the second grade. All these years later, my teachers asked that I pull it out of my treasure box and wear it as a visual reminder of what a truly generous spirit looks like. It also serves to remind me of the other insights I received during this journey.
I know I’ve got more work to do. It takes at least 21 days to make a new habit and I need to be tested many times before I can truly demonstrate that I’ve gotten my ego to take a back seat…but I know I’m on the right track. And I know I can do it. I can feel that it’s already started.
Unexpectedly, there’s a bit of sadness. I think it’s because I’m letting go of something that’s always been a part of me. It needs to go and I won’t miss it, but there’s that small hit of sadness as I wave goodbye to the unhealthy aspects of my ego.
I know that I’ll still feel my feelings. It’s not about being aloof or above everything. It’s not about feeling like everything is fine or denying when something is bothersome. It IS about managing reactions. About expressing those feelings from a centered place rather than from ego. This is something I know must change. I’m thrilled to be on the right track – finally! Sadness is a part of change and will make the arrival at a more ego-less place that much sweeter.
Is this something you’d like in your life? I bet it is! Check out my online class to help you connect with your spirit guides and receive all the love and lessons they hold for you!